Poetry Packed Out: a Weird One but a good one (or two)

I can consider myself truly blessed that I have a community that sincerely cares for each other, even in the face of all of what the world is going through right now.

Family is the first thing that comes to mind immediately, as without my family, I wouldn’t be who I am today, without the great teachers I’ve had in my life, those who challenged me to do better, yet understood my challenges and worked with me to cope with them.

Second on my list of people I’m thankful for are my friends, those people I feel like I can be myself around. Support from both my family and friends can help me deal with the uncertainty that life can sometimes bring.

I wrote the following cinquain to give recognition to two such friends, two whom I can honestly say have been with me the most during my adult journey in the Spectrum. These two friends, Autistic advocate and writer Jesse Saperstein and Jason Cohen, have always been there for me for support and friendship during the past decade or so, even during my darkest times, they’ve always shown support for me and I wrote this to thank them for all they do.

That said, I also offer this poem not only for them but for all my friends, Spectrumite or not, who know whom I am, the real authentic Autistic person that I am. So, without further ado, the cinquain in question:

Weird

-for Jason and Jesse-

Weird.

Unique, strange

Links, bonds, unites

Three martians together to brave the world.

Together.

It is my wish, my desire that Spectrumites realize that they aren’t alone in their troubles, those areas which we all struggle with, but that others reach out to them to show them that they really aren’t alone. My Mom has a saying, “Don’t tell me you love me, show me” so let’s show each other that we aren’t alone and help us all…

Shine On!!

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Party Pooped…

What do babies shouting, people talking and unfamiliarity have in common?

They all can be found (in droves, at times) during social gatherings, those impromptu engagements that can confound Spectrumites and NTs alike. Even to this day, social situations, especially new places and people, are daunting, too much of which can be like an old school pinball machine going “tilt” because it gets rocked too much.

Small groups are all right for me; but huge gatherings can be tough for me to navigate through without familiar people there to support me. Such was the case with my sister in laws surprise birthday party.

It was a great party all around, all set up my older brother and my sister-in-laws family and it was a nice party overall if not for everyone talking, which was a bit overwhelming to me, causing me to overeat and not pay attention to others, my needing to recharge by going outside.

These coping mechanisms are things that are build in to me, just like coping mechanisms can be built in or learned by other Spectrumites. Social situations for Spectrumites can be tough with so many variables to us to discern, body language, tones, eye contact among others. It can be daunting for Spectrumites to figure out the right response to the appropriate situation, even impossible to feels at times.

When we need breaks from social situations, it’s not meant to be rude, but it can be overwhelming at those points. We don’t ask for pity, passes or excuses, but we only ask for patience and understanding so we can learn, get better, avoid misunderstandings and give us all a chance to…

Shine On!!

A Post (Or a poem) of Thanks!!!

I’m thankful for God, for always being there for me.

I’m thankful for my friends, who see more than I can see,

Of I am and who they know that I can be,

I’m thankful for them and also I’m thankful for family.

I’m thankful for the blessings that I’ve have in my life.

I’m also thankful for the times where I have seen strife.

I’m thankful for my mentors, to those that can teach

Knowing that, from deep inside, they’re never out of reach.

I know that may sound nothing short of vague

But, what I want what I’m sharing to spread like a plague

Thank you all so much for the support I lean upon

So, please share this to all you know to help us all shine on!!!

Poetry Packed Out: A Light in the Darkness

Speaking from personal experience, depression can be devastating, crippling and hard to combat, without the right support group to help you cope with it. Therapy can help, but having to cope with it can be hard to do, especially when you feel that you’re not worth the good things in your life, that you’re important, that your enough for others.

My friend Jonah (ShonenJonah on Youtube) describes his battles so well, which I highly recommend you check out. He describes it in his own way, explaining how the singer of Linkin Park, the late Chester Bennington, and Linkin Park changed his life by their music.

That’s how he deals with depression, poetry (as well as volunteering) are my ways of dealing with it, hence the reason for this recent diamanté. I would be remiss if I didn’t recognize the efforts of countless teachers, counselors and friends, especially my friend Joe Defino, whom I’ve mentioned here before in my Hope Rocks post, both of the people were the inspiration for this diamanté, entitled Depression:

Depression

Depression.

Dark, cold

Worthless; rusted, unloved

An uphill battle only won when linked, United

Sharing, crying, shining

Light, hugs

Hope.

With the right support, which one can find anywhere if you know where to look, you can be that light, bring that light to others and help them, just like when you needed it, to…

Shine On!!

To B or not 2B, a very good question…but is it good enough?

It’s hard; difficult, even challenging for us Spectrumites to feel as you’re ever good enough, even when people call me a very strong person. Even when everything is going our way, it’s still hard for us to believe, really believe that we’re as good as we should feel that we are.

Low self esteem and low self confidence is definitely a Spectrumite thing, we really judge ourselves be our neurotypical counterparts, by how good we are compared to our peers because we want to prove that we are not only as good as others, but we’re better.

The question I wish to address is simply this: Why? Why compare us to everyone else?

Myself, I’ve struggled with low self esteem issues, I never really felt like I was worth anything special to anyone, myself included. It feels so much easier to be a doormat for others, like George McFly from the Back to the Future trilogy, specifically the first film. Oddily enough, that’s how I felt at times, asking myself: why? For a while, it seems like “Sorry” is a catchphrase I use to apologize for living, much like Maria from the Sound of Music.

Sometimes, I wish I was different, but such is not to say that I can’t change my bad habits and that today won’t be a different story; to say that I (and other Spectrumites like myself) matter, that our voices and opinions matter to us, our communities, our friends and family.

No matter what, being a Spectrumite can be a tough road, having to find out whom you are, but when one finally realizes that one matters, being humble both in your victories and defeats. It’s honestly something that I’m working on as well, but the good thing is that I’m working on my strengths, just as you can do, too. Together, we can all help each other find our own self worth and…

Shine On!!