The Compare/Contrast Connundrum

My Dad, Dear Readers, always has a saying that he told me that helped him when he was feeling down on himself, he said that my late Grandfather told him that “I thought I was bad off that I had no shoes, until I saw the man with no feet.” I know that I’ve mentioned it before on The Autistic SuperBlog, but those words of wisdom have stuck with me throughout the years.

That being said, I know I’m not alone when depression hits, when nothing seems to be going the way you want them to, or when you deal with constant rejections, stresses and worries, it can’t help but make you feel that what you do doesn’t matter. You start comparing yourself with others that you feel are better off than you are, feeling jealous and bitter all the while. You start to question yourself, even second guessing your actions, or lack thereof and wondering what you’re doing wrong.

If I’m describing depression accurately, it’s only because I know how it feels, mostly because I deal with that on a daily basis. I constantly fight that battle, even when I’m putting on a brave face at times. So, I know all too well how it feels to feel worthless, that you’re not good enough.

Being autistic, much like Adrian Monk (of the Television show Monk fame) can be “a blessing and a curse.” For all the good things that we have, the good things that only we can do, there’s still that feeling that what we do isn’t enough. It feels as if anxiety and depression are facts of life when it comes to autism, as much as it might fit other disabilities.

To be honest, it can be hell. Feeling as it you’re not good enough all while trying to please everyone.

Even with all that, I want my voice to uplift others, to inspire others, even when there are times where I sometimes find it hard to trust my own words. It always helps that I have both family and friends who can see the best in me, they I know of support groups that won’t pass unfair judgements on me.

So, please let me say this in closing, that you are enough, that we are enough, that our trials will make us stronger and better than we were before. We can be better people with support and love from those who care about us so we can all make the world a better place so we can all be supportive to others and, as always…..

Shine On!! Please be kind to yourselves!!

Throwback Thursday: From a Poetic Tradegy, Triumph

In light of recent events, with the shootings in Las Vegas and the death of Tom Petty still fresh in all of our minds, I figured that this edition of Poetry Packed Out needed to touch on sadness and how people can recover (as best as we can, at any rate) from the things in life that are sometimes unavoidable. The poem I chose is from my own sorrow and faith entitled Triumph from Tragedy. 

When I was writing this poem, I was still going through a rough patch in my life, losing my late mentor to ALS and wanting to let people know what I was feeling at the time. It was full of my emotions. Triumph from Tragedy had the paradox of this space known as time: it held onto the wanting to turn back time, yet it also held something more deep inside, that we find difficult to find at the time: the hope that each of us holds inside, even when we suffer more than we can bare, to know that we aren’t alone in our suffering. This poem is here to let those who mourn that it’s natural to mourn, especially for those we hold dear inside us, but also to let us not to forget how important it is to let others know that we care about them, individually and as a society. So, without further ado:

Triumph from Tragedy

Death is…

something uncontrollable:

spreading like a virus

losing your friend

in a matter of seconds

Without a chance to say goodbye.

It is pain beyond words

like the world is crumbling around you

with no escape in sight

Like losing you mentor; your hero

your knight in shining armor

In what seems like an eternity

But there is hope and joy in this

We must remember to appreciate

those people that are living now

before it’s too late

And to love other people back

Regardless of what others think of them

If we are to join our friends

When we leave this place

And journey into

The next world.

Hope this helps you all heal from the past and present pains so we can all…..

Shine On!!

So, About this Past Weekend

I’m just so happy to be back on The Autistic SuperBlog again, Dear Readers!!! There’s been a lot going on in my life recently, not the least of which was getting a new computer monitor, which I hope showed in the presentation of my latest video that I did yesterday.

Why did it take so long, you say? Well, the long story can be traced back to this past weekend. To be honest, Dear Readers, one event gave me a lot of time for pause on what pain and suffering is. Last Friday was when I got my second COVID-19 vaccine shot. I felt all right and had some take out for dinner, a ritual that I’ve adopted from my living complex.

Little did I know that a chicken parmigiana sub, an order of garlic knots and a 20 ounce soda would be the last thing I would eat for the majority of the weekend. From later that night to all day on Saturday, I spent in my bedroom, barely able to move, sleeping off the effects, drinking as much water as I could because I was very hot. I only moved to go to the bathroom, but I was dizzy, holding onto anything I could to keep my balance.

The good thing about this whole experience was that I got a lot of sleep, which helped me stave off the side effects, but also messed up my habits so that I was woozy by Sunday morning, which required me to call out of work, but I was back at work that Tuesday after resting more and more. This one event, along with waiting for a new monitor, was the reason why I was lacking in recent blog posts as of late, but thanks to my oldest brother, who is more patient and calmer that I could be, that’s no longer the case.

So, I wanted to thank you all, Dear Readers, for your patience and thanks to my oldest brother for being the coach that I needed to help me when I needed it and helping me, through both the good and the bad, to see the good things in me and letting me….

Shine On!!!!

Poetry Packed Out: A Precious Gift

For this belated Valentine’s Day version of Poetry Packed Out, I wanted to share with you a very special cinquain for someone who is a dear friend of mine.

You may have seen me with my hat, especially in a recent photo when I got my first dose of the COVID-19 vaccine, but you may not know who knitted it for me, but my dear friend was the one who did so a long time ago. She, like me, is Autistic and has her own challenges, but she’s also a very loyal, kind and she’s actually taught me about the challenges that I see that I deal with, then as now.

I know that it’s seen a lot of wear over the years, but I wear it all the same for my dear friend, because of how much it means to me. With that being said, I present the following cinquain to you, Dear Readers, as well as my dear friend:

Hat

Hat
Covers; warms
Heads. Hearts, minds
Shows us that someone cares.
Hat

So, please treasure the friends and family who will always care about you and love you for the person you are, even when they see you at your worst. That’s the only way that we can be better people and, as a society, we can show others how we can…

Shine On!!

The Good and The Bad

I’ve been told by friends and people that I both respect and admire that I’m a Renaissance man, that I’m the strongest person that they know, that I’m an inspiration, that I do a great job and simply, that I am a good person.

That should be enough to give me a big head, to feel as if I’m better than others, but the reality of the situation is that I find it difficult to accept the praise I get because of my depression.

I know that this is something I’ve touched upon in past blog posts, Dear Readers, but it’s something that I feel need to be addressed time and again, if for no other reason that I want my words to help others. I want them to know that they aren’t alone in their struggles. I was inspired by a great friend of mine to write this blog post and I’ll post it here for you all to check out at your leisure, for which I want to thank my friend Jonah for his video on the subject.

To be honest, I don’t always believe the good things that people say to me, mostly because I always tend to focus on the negative, the bad things, the things I lack. It’s like being on a see-saw but there’s a heavy weight on my side that doesn’t allow me to move upward. The most important thing to keep in mind is that you’re not alone, and asking for help, for support isn’t a bad thing at all, it’s in our weaknesses that show our collective strength.

This is the reason why I talk about my faith on The Autistic SuperBlog from time to time. I want to be able to empower others to confront their flaws and live so that we can all be better people and do our best to help others and….

Shine On!!!!

A Balance of Moderation

As you all know, Dear Readers, Ash Wednesday is coming up in two weeks and with that, the annual tradition I’ve been working on called Letters For Lent will be coming up at that point. One of the things that I do as a part of my Lenten observance is escape from social media, it’s why I’ve been silent recently here, I’m preparing myself for Lent.

Honestly, I feel as if it’s been a long time coming, since all the news I get comes from social media, but it can get overwhelming at times and I think that’s a reason why I’ve been dealing with writer’s block recently, since I’ve been trying to keep with everything, keep the connection I’ve been lacking with inactivity.

I know that this seems unreal, Dear Readers, but it’s been almost a year since we’ve dealt with the restrictions and I know that there’s a lot of changes in the world. That said, we can trust that things will get better in time.

It’s tough to do, I know, but we can trust that things will get better, with time. It’s also nice to feel connected, but I feel as if we should do so in moderation, since too much of a good thing isn’t always good.

That said, I’m not leaving The Autistic SuperBlog anytime soon.

So, feel free to connect to others, but never discount the silence that we’ve gotten at the moment, please stay strong and, as always….

Shine On!!

Throwback Thursday: Standing Up is (Still so) Hard to Do!!!

Recently, I had to make a tough decision since my last roommate was moving to another apartment. I was worried that I had played a part even as his Mom told me that it wasn’t the case, but I felt, then as now, that it was the best decision to be made for both of us.

The aftermath, though, made it hard for me to decide who would be my next roommate. The pressure of the two people that were chosen made it harder still, especially because both people had good things going for them. For me, it felt like being on Deal or No Deal, the pressure was that intense.

Long story short, this decision made me realize what was important to me, qualities that I have that I need to sees in others. It made me feel like a leader, which as I mentioned in an earlier post, isn’t something I’m used to being called.

More importantly, it made me stand up for myself, something that I feel like I need to do a lot more of. I was becoming another George McFly from Back to the Future and this ordeal was talking to me, forcing me not to be a doormat. It’s been hard to do but I realize now how important standing up for oneself:

  1. Realize Your Limits: Realize that you’re only human and that you can’t please everyone. Focus on your strengths and don’t dwell on your weaknesses.
  2. Take Time For You: Breathe, recharge your batteries (however you choose to do so) and be creative.
  3. Be (or Re-Discover) Yourself: Don’t be afraid to blaze a trail of your own and learn new things. The best people know how to change things to their advantage. This can also be a way for you to rediscover values you may forget in the moment.
  4. Celebrate Your Victories: When you stand up for yourself, especially if you’re used to be a doormat, you’ll feel a change inside yourself. Celebrate the changes, no matter how small.
  5. Build Up: When you become stronger, one day at a time, one victory at a time, you’ll find yourself stronger over time and that will build up your confidence.

I can’t say that this change will be easy to deal with, in fact this is could be harder than you’ve ever dealt with. But standing up will indeed be the most fulfilling thing you ever do in your life and you’ll become stronger and be able to push forward to your brighter future, one where we can all….

Shine On!!!

(Repost) Poetry Packed Out: Be Not Afraid to #TaketheMaskOff

My former therapist recently told me that I needed to drop the facade I’ve had throughout my life, which is easier said than done, especially since it’s something that I’ve learned to do over time.

I do understand why she feels like I put the facade up, but, in my defense, I don’t do so thinking that I’m trying to be better than others. I chalk it up to my parents, they always (at least to me) put up the feeling that everything was all right, even when it wasn’t. That said, I couldn’t tell the difference but my Mom always pushed through it as best as she could.

But it’s been hard for me to pull myself away from that facade, mostly since it’s all I’ve known.

All the time, all everyone sees is a successful Autistic person, who has a car, a college degree, a job with supportive family and friends, but very few people know of the struggles, the disappointments, the sacrifices or the journey I had to take to get there, hence where this acrostic came from.

I want to give people hope, but I also want to be honest with the journey I took to get here, I don’t want to lie to anyone, much less myself. It’s hard to do, though, when you don’t know anything other than the facade. With that said, I present yo you the acrostic that is more than meets the eye:

Iceberg

Instant fame; success hides behind journey;

Cold; harsh winter brings forth Springs fortune.

Even as people ask for advice, an ear to hear

Behind the scenes, all he craves for is rest if

Even a moment. The need, want to break vicious

Recurring theme seeping into his core, slowing

Grating in him, nudging him to find a way to act.

I can’t tell you in all honesty how to live your life or how to help you, dear reader, how to take your mask off. I’m honestly figuring out that myself, but I can tell you that you can embrace the wonderful person you are, even with your flaws.

You’ll discover people, friends and family, who will love you and embrace you for all you are. But you need to be open with them, that’s the first step for you to be open with others, so they know that you’re genuine. When you can be open, you’ll find your purpose, your real friends and most importantly, you’ll be able to reach out, help others, and truly….

Shine On!!’

The Hot Take: Dare to Dream

Dear Readers, I feel like this is the perfect time to talk about dreams, in between Martin Luther King Jr. Day and Inauguration Day, in which Joe Biden and (perhaps as important) Kamala Harris will begin their first term of President and Vice-President, respectively.

That may seem like a political statement, but this post isn’t about politics, this is about people following their dreams. How many people have dreamt about tomorrow’s historic precedent? How long have people wanted to feel as if they can do anything? How many people have wanted a better future, a brighter future for themselves and those whose will come after them?

Just think of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr, Rosa Parks, Temple Grandin, I. King Jordan as well as others whose dreams, their aspirations changed the proverbial game for all of us. They helped us, then as now, to look into the better parts of our humanity.

So, I’d like to ask this question again to you, Dear Readers, what do you dream of, what future do you want to leave the next generation? For me, I want to leave the world in a much better place, even though I know that there’s things I want to do. That said, I’m just happy to be where I am and doing what I love to do, work, write and create for you, Dear Readers.

As for you, I’ll leave that question for you to answer, but I sincerly hope that you want to leave things better as you saw them before. So, let’s dream for a better future, let’s take off towrds our dreams, whatever they may be, so that we can all stay strong and, as always….

Shine On!!!!