Word of the Decade: Evolution

As this year, and this decade for that matter, comes to a close, I am reminded of a quote from Dr. Emmet Brown from Back to the Future:

My God, has it been that long?

This decade has been eventful, both with its highs and lows, but such is like itself, I suppose. That said, if I can sum up my decade in one word, that word would be: Evolution. I know that could be said every decade, but in my case, it’s apropos because of what I went through in this decade.

I was weaker as I came into this decade, I was stagnant and I felt so hopeless, I felt like I could never relax, since I felt like I absolutely had to be “on stage”; Elsa’s words from Frozen were me during the start of the decade: “conceal, don’t feel.” That all changed on October 5, 2013, when I moved from my Mom’s apartment/business into a supportive apartment from the ARC Mid Hudson.

To say that I’ve evolved ever since would be a huge understatement, I went from making toast, cereal and bagels, to making oatmeal, French toast, chicken Caesar salad, hamburgers and fish and chips. I also did some baking, especially cakes and cookies. I was able to be creative in a new; unique way, one I didn’t know that I could be.

Another place that I evolved is emotionally, as I dealt with the demons that I had to deal with, I uncovered and dealt with several personal demons that I let console me in the past. I’m still working to deal with them, but one of them (depression) is an uphill struggle, one I daily deal with, but if I could say this, just know that, with support, it is possible to deal with it.

It wasn’t all bad though, as I finally finished my first book, Through Autistic Eyes, after thinking that it was all but over. This decade showed me that hope can pay off, no matter how distant it feels. I also learned a lot about myself and, for the first time in a while, I’m beginning to trust myself and believe in myself; that must be what Garak from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine told Captain Sisko in the episode “In the Pale Moonlight”, “I don’t know about you, but I’d call that a bargain.”

Another thing I took out of this decade is that I started The Autistic Super-Blog three years ago after a long time to think about it. After two years of figuring out blogging, I finished out 2019 with over 1,600 views, which makes me feel like this was a great decision to start blogging. So, I just want to say thank you all, my readers, for helping my blog have the year it’s had in its short life so far. I hope that next year is even better than before.

So, let us look to the future with hope, with optimism and the ability to make our world a better place, one where we can all…

Shine On!! Happy New Year!!!!

A Time to Be Thankful!

In this cold world, it’s hard to see the things that make our hearts warm and cozy, it’s hard to be happy when all you see fills you with nothing but despair.

For some, the holidays hammer that feeling of loneliness, especially for those where families are scattered, by distance or circumstances beyond their control.

But instead of how bad things seem to be, I’m going to ask you all, my readers, to try a different tactic: To think of something in your life to be thankful for, you might find that you have a lot going on that’s good more often times than naught.

This is what I wrote on the Super-Blog last year, but the sentiments are still as true as they were then, so I’d like to share an excerpt of that post with you to show you all, my readers, what I’m grateful for:

One of the things that you may have noticed in reading my blog is that I try to expand my explanations as best as I can, like a translator working between two very different; very unique societies.

I’m thankful for God, for making me who I am.

I’m thankful for my family; for those I hold dear to me as well as my friends (Spectrumites or not) because you all see me as I am, with my faults and virtues.

I’m thankful for my job, my co workers, supervisors and managers, humble as my job is, it challenges me to do better than I do the day before, in doing better, they see, I become a better person and vice versa.

I’m thankful for my community for being so kind, compassionate and understanding towards me and those around me. Though work still needs to be done, with the bridges we build, we can all make the world a better place.

I’m thankful for Libraries, Librarians, artists of all disciplines, and so many other people in my life that make a difference by just being themselves..

But most importantly, I’d like to thank all of you, who support my blog, that read these posts which are my life. To those who criticize my posts, well I thank you as well, because your criticism makes me a better writer, I know I need to improve or Socrates’ problem would have no meaning (“All that I know is that I know nothing” just for those who are curious) so thank you all for your support, critique and for you just being you to me and helping us all…

Shine on!!!

A Long Hard Look

It’s so easy for me to make others feel like things will be all right, to be the face people look to when they need to unload their life on others, myself specifically. It’s so easy for me to let others not get the best of me, for me to brush things off, even when things get heavier by doing so?

But even, the cross gets overwhelming.

Such has been the case over the last couple of days, as I’ve had to do some soul searching; facing a harsh truth by doing so. Those who know me know that I can be very stubborn and it takes a lot to get harsh truths in my head, especially if it’s something I really don’t want to face.

Things came to a head this weekend when I was forced to confront the fact that, despite my thinking otherwise, I’m really bad at money management, or at least I’m not as good as I thought I was. It was quite the blow to fragile self esteem, to say nothing of my self confidence.

I admit, freely, that I was angry, hurt and miserable by the revelation. That is, until I spoke to family about it and found out that I’m not alone, which was a great consolation. It made me feel like I was seeing a side of myself I didn’t want to admit was there, but always was there in the shadows.

Suffice it to say, though, it’s been a humbling experience. But the good news is that it’s made me want to be better.

Looking at the bad side we all have isn’t always easy and, speaking from experience, it’s never pretty. It’s like dealing with the side you never show to others that even you don’t know is there.

And it’s something that we all have deep down inside, Spectrumite or not. So, as much as it may seem uncomfortable, as much as it hurts us to do so, we should confront our dark sides. Only when we know we need to be better can we actually be better. Only then, when we look at our “bad cards” can we become better people and really…

Shine On!!!

Throwback Thursday: Another Post of Hope

When one thinks of the holidays, holiday music fills the loudspeakers all around us, the malls, supermarkets, restaurants, you name it, the music is always there. Talks with people go into what people do over the holidays, whenever it comes to parties, dinners or just quiet time with families.

I’ve been fortunate to have a loving and welcoming community that is able to see me for being supportive, successful, honest and heartfelt people they know (to those family and friends who know that they are, I wish to thank you for being so welcoming to me.)

But, what of those less lucky than I am? This post is to pass the warmth, love and support your way..

For all the stories I could tell of my holidays, I know that there are people who are less fortunate, those who don’t have the support that I have, one where their diagnoses (or circumstances) have either caused or can have negative impacts when it comes to family get together a, choosing to stay at home rather than risk the humiliation.

For those people, I wish to say that you’re not alone and that you are loved, if not by family then by your friends. Feel free to reach out them because they care about you; let them share their light with you. The road that you’re going on in life has a new direction for you if you want to take it. I won’t deny that it’s scary, it’s full of unknowns and it can be intimidating but I’ve been in your shoes and I know that you’ll discover things about yourself you never would’ve known otherwise.

There are many paths in life that bring us to where we are in our lives and perhaps you’re at a crossroads in your life, maybe now is the time to make a change, to make things right with family, to live your life with no regrets. I beg you to look at the path that has a happier result, but to paraphrase the words of Keenau Reeves in The Matrix, “Where you go from there is a choice I leave to you” but please know that you are not alone in both your triumphs and tragedies; there are brighter days ahead.

If your dealing with personal demons, know that you can seek help if you ask for it and search around your area. Together, we can all shine a light in our communities so we can all…

Shine on!!

Poetry Packed Out: Making Sense out of Madness

Let’s face facts, readers, life is a wild, wild ride. It’s a ride full of twists, turns, unexpected accidents, rough roads and sunny skies, as I mentioned in my last post. It can feel crazy, zany and unpredictable, where nothing is really certain. Just when people think that they know all the answers, as the late “Rowdy” Roddy Piper would say, life changes the questions.

Life can be difficult, dealing with multiple emotions, ones like joy, sorrow, anger, envy and every emotion in between. It’s hard to suppress what one really feels, not wanting to rock the boat too much, wanting discontent over conflict. Such times are not possible, especially in our culture, one where our world is full of despair, greed and sadness.

That said, it’s how one deals with them that determines the person they want to be. It’s all about circumstances and consequences in the long run. I know that it may sound simple, but finding that balance can be a bit of a challenge, or juggle, as my latest cinquain describes.

Juggle

 

Juggle

Works, struggles

In life, work, play

To do many things at once to keep

Balance.

To those who feel overwhelmed by what life gives them, just know that you are not alone, it may feel that way, but you aren’t alone.

You matter, your life matters, your impact matters, no matter how small you might think it is. That said, there is a need for balance, helping others as you help yourself, it won’t be easy to find, but when you do, I assure you that the journey will be worth it. So, don’t give up on yourself or anyone else, but find the balance within yourself and you’ll always…

Shine On!!

Throwback Thursday to A Hopeful Friend

Throughout my life, I’ve come across some great people, ones that enriches my life, believed; supported me, helped me learn things I wouldn’t know otherwise and someone I know that I can talk to and know that they hear and understand me. An elementary school teacher (and wonderful friend) Joe Defino Jr. has done all that and then some, not just to me but to the community that he serves, all with his heart and creativity.

At the time I first met him, I was going through my own perfect storm, my parents were going through a divorce, settling into a new school and puberty, all within one period in my life where I felt alone and unsure. Then, a relatively new teacher came into my life and made me realize that all the things I was feeling at the time were totally nuerotypical for anyone, Spectrumite or not and offered me a light, a beacon of hope and most importantly, his friendship, all while not asking for anything else in return. It’s something that I hold most dear to me and I’ll always thank him (and by extension, his whole family) for that.

Ever since, he’s been a go-to for me if I need a shoulder to cry on, someone to bounce ideas off of or just for support, he’s been there for me more times than I can count. He not only supports me but also does so for the entire community, as is evident in his most recent endeavor, Hope Rocks, a festival of hope and support that we need now more than ever with the epidemic of young people committing suicide and dying from drug overdoses. Throughout his teaching carrer, he’s been to 9 funerals, just in the past 3 years alone, over 27 in all that time! In a time where the world would want us to be callous, indifferent and uncaring, Joe is sharing his light to show to others what is evident to me, that hope is there for the asking, hope is present, hope shines and quite frankly, hope rocks!!

So, not only is this a blog post to highlight Joe as a person, but this is also me adding my voice to his, letting people know that it only takes one person to make a difference in lives so if you ever feel like you’re down and out, depressed, or even suicidal, DO NOT HESISTATE TO LET PEOPLE KNOW!! I can’t stress this enough and if you need any more prodding, come on down to Cantine Field in Saugerties on August 17-19 and I can bet you’ll find support, you’ll find kindness and perhaps you’ll find the answers you’re looking for. I close this blog post with a poem I wrote for Joe and for his mission to spread hope and compassion to those he meets:

Hope

By Brian Liston

For Joe Defino Jr, a true friend and beacon of hope-

Hope
Speaks, feels
In our tears, darkness, fears
That we are not alone to share our
Collective light.

Until next time, don’t forget to…

Shine on!!

A Matter of Risk vs Reward

In life, there will be times where a conversation will be hard to have, awkward at best and difficult at worst, times where you’ll put yourself out there for all the world to see, vulnerable to any attacks that may come as to reveal yourself.

I’ve always been honest on the Superblog when all of you, my readers. With this topic, though, I’ve struggled, mostly because I recently didn’t know how to deal with difficult conversations, especially when there was a lot to lose.

I guess the main reason I didn’t like those conversations was because I didn’t want to lose anyone. That’s mostly because I value and cherish my friends, especially those whom I consider close.

Well, while I’m lucky I didn’t lose one, I had to risk that recently due to a difficult conversation. But the thing that really bothers me in hindsight is that I took the easy way out and asked a friend to help me tell a friend some news.

Again, in hindsight, I realize that it was a bad call to make but at the time, it seemed like the right decision. But what I’ve learned in this experience is to just swallow your pride, take a deep breath and don’t be afraid to have the difficult conversation with those you care about, especially if the thing in question is something that’s bugging you.

A friend I knew committed suicide because of one misunderstanding that must have felt like the end of the world. Looking back at my conundrum, I can only say that fear was holding me back. How I handled was the right call at the time, but I now see that it was a cowardly move on my part. That’s the part that I’m ashamed of, most of all.

What I ask of you all to do if you’re in the same situation, my advice to you is to swallow your pride, be brave and let the chips fall where they may, maybe you’ll win, maybe you’ll lose, but either way, you’ll have an answer; as my brother would say, “Lesson learned.”

I know it’s a tough thing to say, but sometimes being tough is something that’s needed in life, but by being tough, having tough conversations and making your needs a priority will have a positive impact in the long run, since you can do what you need to do to…

Shine On!!

A time to be Brutal; A time to be Kind

If there’s one thing that fellow Spectrumites put on themselves to function on a daily basis, it’s pressure. It’s not like that kind of peer pressure that we deal with in high school, granted, but it’s still pressure. Any chink in our social armor makes us feel like little things we miss feel like it’s the end of the world.

Like Forrest Gump said about shrimping, figuring out neurotypicals can be so tough, even confusing. When they ask for something to be done, they can be so vague in what they ask and when they want it done. It can be like two completely different computing systems: like an old school Commodore 64 trying to work alongside a Dell Computer, things get lost in translation. Neurotypicals worry about getting things done, but pay little attention to new; innovative ways of doing things.

That said, I recently told a friend’s satire class that writers should be brutal in what they write, which is true because the truth can be brutal, but it’s also necessary, even if it’s uncomfortable. On one hand, being brutal gives us the ability to become better, as artists, chefs, painters, writers, singers or people in general.

But what about being kind? What’s wrong with being kind, encouragement, being compassionate to Spectrumites. I live in a very welcoming community, one that understands my quirks, but even things happen where things get lost in translation.I know that I’m working on my self esteem and self confidence myself and that any critique can feel like the end of the world, like what I’m doing isn’t enough.

In doing searching for this blog post, I came across Chris Bonnello’s article, Five Tips for Handling Low Self-Esteem ad Worthlessness from his site called Autistic Not Weird, the article is in the following link (https://autisticnotweird.com/self-esteem/) and it helped me realize that being kind or compassionate to Spectrumites can mean a lot in thier lives, as well as my own.

Here are the tips with my thoughts on them in order:

1. Play to your strengths.

“Wherever you find the opportunities – be it at work, or at home, or socially or whatever- learn what you’re good at, and do it. Even playing chess was a nice reminder that I wasn’t entirely useless, at a time when I felt the rest of the world was trying to convince me I was.”

This tip has helped me find a job that gives me the chance to give my abilities a chance to shine, specifically my ability to focus on details that others might miss, or may not feel is important. Knowing your strengths and using them to your advantage can be a great way to find success in your life without hiding whom you are.

2. Other people are allowed to be wrong too.

Blaming everyone else for everything is an unhealthy habit. But it’s equally unhealthy to blame yourself for everything. Take responsibility for the mistakes you make, but don’t pin other people’s mistakes on yourself. No matter how confident they look when having a different opinion to you.

I have a nasty habit of blaming myself for things aren’t done to others’ expectations, like I mentioned earlier, it feels like one thing not done can be the end of the world, but I need to think of the C64 and the Dell situation, where it’s a case of “no harm, no foul.”

3. People suck, but you do need them.

But that was how I felt at the time. A load of well-meaning people – casual acquaintances, mainly – would say things that they thought would help me, but actually made me feel worse..

But on the plus side, at least I had people looking out for my interests. Even if they didn’t quite know how to help.

Neurotypicals can be confusing, but those who deal with Spectrumites can be the best allies that we can have, something I know firsthand. Those who deal with Spectrumites can help us bridge the social gap that exists, helping us clear up misunderstandings and can be there for us during bad times, which leads me to the last two tips.

4. Just because you’re having a bad time doesn’t mean life itself is ugly.

When things were bad for me, the good in life was difficult to see.

5. The Future is not set.

It’s easy to not see a way out of your troubles. Partly because, if you endure them long enough, it becomes a part of your normality.

Life is a crazy and complex thing. At times it may seem stale and predictable, but it’s really not.

I’m combining these two last tips into one, mostly because they both go together, since one bad day, one thing where everything goes wrong can feel devestating for Spectrumites, but that’s not to say that things can’t get better from there, hard as it may be at that moment. No doubt about it, life in general can be crazy, zany and unpredictable, but I’m reminded of a 2007 Disney/Pixar movie Ratatouille, spoken by the main character:

The only thing predictable about life, is its unpredictablity.

Just because life is hard doesn’t mean that you need to feel alone, especially if you have friends who like you for the person you are. I’ve been thrown some curveballs in my life, but with my friends and family, I’ve been able to move forward, it’s not been easy and it does take time, but don’t let minor misunderstandings feel like it’s the end, think of them as a new beginning to a better life.

It’s all right to try to be a better person; to strive to do better, I don’t want to overlook that point. By the same token, however, we should be as kind to ourselves as much as we are with our communities. It’s a delicate balance, one we should strive for everyday of our lives. Only by finding that balance can we function effectively in our societies, letting our voices be heard and never be afraid to let our light….

 

Shine On!!!

 

No Joking Matter: Depression Stinks!!

Much like a game show icon I admire, Jeopardy’s Alex Trebek, I like to be open and honest with my readers, so that I don’t inflate my ego to the point where I think I’m normal and everyone else is crazy (Amy Bouzgalo, anyone??)

One of the reasons I admire him is because, if bad news hits him, as it has with his diagnosis of Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer, he wants to be the person to tell you, out front and with no pretenses. That being said, I do want to make one thing clear: depression is a real thing, it’s silent, it can be self defeating, filling those who suffer with it feel like a failure and in extreme cases, it can be a killer.

I speak from my own experience, having been dealing with it from my high school years. I’ve been internalizing my struggles; my innermost doubts, I’ve beaten myself up for minor problems, I’ve wanted to be “normal”, to just blend in and just feel like everything’s all right in my life, even though I was living a lie, a facade that I didn’t need to. I’ve seen depression in my family, particularly when things seemed to not go as we had planned.

The failure of the family business caused many a bouts of depression for my Mom and for myself, with me taking over when she was lying in bed, leaving for me to be the motivator for her to keep pressing forward, just as she does for me even to this day, pushing me forward to be the person she knew I could be, even in my worst moments in life.

I guess that’s also the reason I’m here now, it’s because I’m full of hope for the future, unsettling as it can be. The reason I’ve been talking about my Catholic faith so much is because it helped me go through so much in my life. I realize that faith might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but I also know that just talking about what you’re feeling, having a trusted friend validate your feelings, getting yourself the help you need to fight on, even when it seems impossible, can be enough to make you feel that you’re not alone.

I can’t stress this last point enough….

Just trust in God; that you’re are doing fine, that you are enough and are loved and precious to those who know you. Never be afraid to talk out your feelings to trusted friends and don’t be afraid to seek help if you feel you need it. Do whatever you need to help yourself and others…

Shine On!!

(But before I end this: here’s a link to help you shine on: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org, hoperocks.org and others)