As you all are aware of, my readers, I’ve been struggling with my narcissistic tendencies, which I’ve mentioned recently on The SuperBlog. I’ve been wrestling with this conundrum even since, how do I say that I’m a good person, even as I have flaws?
The simple answer is to admit that I’m imperfect, that I can make mistakes, that I’m a work in progress, always.
That said, knowing it is one thing , but believing it is another thing all together. I’ve always felt that I am a good person, but my fault was that I always put up the facade that I was put together. I felt like Shiba Takeru from Samurai Sentai Shinkenger, (just one of the long standing Super Sentai series) after his facade has faded into something different. I won’t spoil it for those who don’t know, but suffice it to say, it’s a major change in his life, being shown as a Japanese Lord, with vassals to help him, only for it to come crashing down.
That’s how I feel now that I’m trying to rebuild myself after dealing with my facade fading away. It’s a hard pill to swallow and there are times when I think that I’m a failure.
Then, I think of what I’ve done in my life, those things that really matter to me:
- A Published Poet
- A College Graduate
- The last Board Member of my local Autism Society Chapter
- A volunteer for The ARC Mid Hudson
- Someone who can drive
- Someone who has maintained a job for 21 Years
And this are just some of the things that I noted about myself!
That’s really remarkable for an autistic person like myself, especially that last one, since people like me are either underemployed or unemployed.
All that said, I do need to look at things I need to change, like the fact that I’m a very emotional and sensitive person, that I say that I’m sorry for things when I don’t need to say it and that I have a very nasty habit of passing blame to others. That’s just to name a few, but suffice it to say that, I’m not perfect, not by a long shot.
Knowing oneself is one thing, but affirming the person you are, with your accomplishments, your strengths and your flaws can mean just as much, if not more, to yourself and those you meet.
So, this is my affirmation, that I’m autistic, I’m imperfect, that I’m proud of who I am and that I can change if given the opportunity, as we all do. Don’t be afraid to affirm the person you are, look deep inside yourself and get to know the person you are, flaws and all. Be brave, be yourself and, as always…
Shine On!!!
The Autistic SuperBlog 